Happy Birthday to Me

Next Sunday marks the 49^th year of my existence. Honestly, a part of me does not feel this old. I do not know which part that is because most of my body definitely does feel it. Especially my poor knee after it’s thirty-year-old injury. I think maybe it is my mind that still doesn’t believe it. Maybe it is just in denial. I don’t know.

The journey has been an interesting one. At this point I feel like I have lived a few different lives. There were my somewhat innocent childhood years. I say ‘somewhat’ because we all know there was probably more mischief than innocence. In that, there were some good memories. I still remember the Christmas morning when I got my first bike. That was a fun day.

After the end of my childhood became the era of being the super religious guy. Take or leave it, I am thankful for that period of my life. I learned how to be a good person and to treat others like you would want to be treated. A good foundation of humanity was built in my soul.

Then came love and marriage. I will not bore you with the details of those twelve years. Although I am thankful for the experience, it was something that should have ended earlier than it did. We were too young to do something that big. I now believe you should wait before you tie yourself to another person. How can you help someone else grow if you first have not grown yourself?

I am going to stop here to say, I don’t believe there are wasted periods in our lives, only times of learning and growing. Like the old cliché, ‘If you aren’t growing, you are dying’. Therefore, I feel like I have not only lived one life but a few, so far. I also believe the part of life you are living right now is only setting you up for the next one. How is that for a segue? I bet you thought that was spelled like the motorized two wheeled transportation device.

Towards the end of married life I began my next journey into the film and television world. I swear it was like a page turned in a book. My breakthrough was at the literal end of my marriage. The very same day my divorce was finalized, I received a call to work on Talladega Nights with Will Ferrell. Yes, I just dropped it.

From that point on to the next several years, I had more fun and met a lot of great people. Sometimes I miss it and wish I could go back. But life isn’t meant to be lived in the past. If it were, it wouldn’t keep going and surprising us at every turn. I know eventually we will all meet our end, but until then enjoy the ride of your own path.

Speaking of paths, mine took what I thought was only a detour into the world of Trader Joe’s. Due to the United States economy taking a dive, film work in Charlotte dwindled. So, I had to get a ‘real’ job in order to survive. But out of that necessity, I learned about wine and how to sell it very well. For a guy who used to think all red wine tasted the same, it was a fun time. Plus, I didn’t mind the homework.

While doing that for five years, I met more great people and built some strong relationships. Some of which was with customers. One of those customers was one of the owners of a new and upcoming local craft brewery in which I enjoyed. Without realizing it again, another transition was in the making. At that point, my interest in brewing and drinking craft beer was growing. No more Pabst Blue Ribbon for me.

So, I asked that customer if the brewery was hiring. Luckily, they were so I applied. A month later I was hired and had to change my current schedule from working early mornings five days a week at the store to only a few nights. If you have ever worked two jobs, you know one of them will not last long. Especially if your eyes are on the greener pasture. Eventually the transition was complete and I took another fork on my path.

Since I had to take a pay cut in order to pursue my new passion, I began to work at the brewery as much as I could in various roles. This period of life was really fun and yet another time of learning and growing. By the end of the six year run, not only had I consumed many gallons of my passion, it ended up consuming me. All of me. To the point, I forgot who I was. At that point all I cared about was making money selling beer and drinking beer. By the end, I had given up on life.

At face value, when I was released from my position at the end of January of 2020, it seemed like an injustice and a sad time. So much so, I began my spiral downward for the next seven months. During this time, Covid-19 had taken over our world and I was unemployed. Thankfully, our government increased unemployment wages and I had some savings. This gave me the perfect excuse to become a hermit.

At first, I never left the house. With the new virus looming, there was nowhere to go and nothing else to do outside our own homes. Such a crazy time. I began to have everything delivered to my doorstep, even alcohol. Instead of buying healthy groceries I would order delivery on the various food apps we now have. I never stepped foot into a grocery store. I still have not. I think a part of me grew tired of going to grocery stores all day, every day to count beer cans.

By the end of August of 2020, I had grown into a 460lb pile of flesh. I would lose my breath when I walked to the bathroom or to take the trash out. I had to wash my hair in the kitchen sink because I couldn’t stand long enough to take a shower. I would sleep on my couch sitting straight up because I couldn’t sleep in my bed. The fear of death was staring me in the face. It got dark. I was alone, growing further away from everybody in my life.

These transitions we experience in life aren’t always lovely and easy. Sometimes they suck. Sometimes they hurt. But they are always there and I am thankful for them. Transitions get us out of the rut we have built in our lives. Sometimes those ruts are very deep and take more effort to climb out of. Just know that you can get out if you really want to. The ultimate answer is, you must want something more than you have now.

Are you ready for the happy ending of this story? My life didn’t end there and it will not end for a long time, as long as I can help it. The day after eating too much Chinese food and drinking eight pints of high gravity IPA, I felt like hell. I had the most unbearable pain in my stomach. So much it filled the rest of my body with ache. It was like the flu and food poisoning combined. I didn’t feel like doing anything but lay on the couch. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew something was really wrong.

The following day, after another night of not sleeping well at all, I thought it was the end. I texted my great friend Todd and asked him to drive me to the emergency room. I cried the entire ride. I told him I was scared because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After six hours of tests and a CT scan, they found nothing wrong. Apparently, it was severe stomach cramps from being dehydrated.

This is when I flipped the switch in my brain. I wanted to live. I am not done with this life. I am not done with this planet. I have too many things to accomplish, too many things to learn and enjoy. I have too many people to help. This is the next transition to the newest part of my journey.

When next Sunday arrives, I will have lost almost 120lbs and be six months sober. I have never lost so much weight and been sober this long during the length of my existence. The best part is I currently feel the clearest in my mind and soul. The next goal is to have my thirty-year-old injured knee replaced with a new one. Also, I have started to write again, obviously. The next chapter has begun with each page revealing something fresh and new every single day.

I am looking forward to what happens next. I hope you are…