Remember When

 

Do you remember when you could go outside without the fear of dying from a virus? How about the time when you could go to the grocery store and see the toilet paper aisle filled with rolls of the soft white gold, we usually take for granted? I recently began enjoying the service of having another person shop for my beloved goods and they magically appear on my doorstep the next day or within a couple hours if I really had to have them that soon.

From this point on the following words are going to be more for those who have lived for a few decades. For the Millennials it will be somewhat of a history lesson. So, hopefully we can all learn something from this silly passage. I guess you will not know that until the end of the page.

Let us start with that term ‘Millennial’. I remember a time when that did not exist. We had Baby Boomers and Generation X, which is where I fall under, and then there was Generation Y. Until they got upset and changed it to ‘Millennials’. I guess they did not want to be considered uncreative and project their originality. Which did not last long because now we have Generation Z. We are so predictable as a society it makes me giggle.

Where do we go from here? Oh yeah, the next new group is Generation Alpha. A term I just learned while doing some research on Google for this moment. I will get to the Google topic in a minute. Dog-ear that for me. Back to the Alpha, are we starting over? Are we going back to the beginning? Why did they not call it ‘Generation A’ like the others? Would not the very first group of people in existence, when they started counting, be the ‘Alpha’s’?

Actually, they are called the ‘Lost Generation’. They are the group of folks born 1883 to 1900. That was a long time ago. They are our ancestors, and we call them ‘Lost’. It was a time where we began, and it was much simpler. We have come so far as a people but sometimes forget that it is where it all started. That is where our creative and inventive nature was birthed and grew from.

I remember when you had to get up off the couch to change the channel on your television. Also, at that time you had only three or four channels to click through on the rotary dial. Speaking of rotary dials, telephones used to have those also and hung on the wall in the kitchen or had a long cord in the living room. You were considered cool or rich if your parents allowed you to have a phone in your room.

I remember when food was not Organic, plant based or containing Gluten and milk did not have Lactose. We drank water from a hose while we were playing outside. Playing outside was our social medium. Nobody shared pictures of what they were eating for lunch or when they went somewhere with their friends. The only way you knew who was doing what was through gossip. The only time you knew what was happening in the world was written in a newspaper or on the news. Yes, there used to be a daily roll of paper with black letters printed on it.

When I was twelve years old, I used to ride my bike around the neighborhood delivering those newspapers. I would get a stack of them every day and sit on my living room floor rolling them up and sliding rubber bands on them. My hands would be covered in black ink. I made about one hundred dollars a month and did it without wearing a helmet. Nobody ran me over or tried to molest me. I know it is weird.

I remember when Google and Amazon were not something we used every day. If you wanted to learn about a certain topic, you asked someone older or you read a book with facts in it. Back in the day, it was a big deal to order something by mail. You browsed through this thick book of colorful pages of products, it was called a catalog. Then you either called to order or you filled out a sheet of paper found on the exact middle page, by hand with a pen.  Afterwards, you tore it out, folded it up and slid it into an envelope with a stamp you had to lick in order to stick it on the upper right corner. Once it was mailed off you had to wait several weeks before seeing said package. Next day shipments were about the same price as a week’s worth of groceries.

Groceries were those food related items you went to a store to purchase. I remember driving my mom crazy with my attempts of tossing in boxes of my favorite cereal. She would always remove it an replace it with Cheerios, Corn Flakes or Rice Krispies. Those fun sugar cereals were too expensive for our tight budget. Plus, they always had a cool prize in the box that we would cry for. The only time we would get the fun cereals was if they were on sale or it was a special time like our birthday.

Birthdays were fun when I was growing up. My mom would bake a cake and cover it with thick and goopy chocolate frosting. Store bought cake could not touch the masterpiece made by Mom. She would top the cake with the number of lit candles to match the number of years since she gave birth to you. Then you would blow out the wax sticks of open flame after making a wish. Think about that. Not only did they place a pile of fire in front of a child, but they also had him or her spit all over the cake before serving it to everyone.

I remember when in order to watch your favorite television show, you had to plan on watching it when it came on it’s scheduled time. Eventually when the VCR was cheap enough to buy, you could insert a Video Cassette to Record and watch your show later. You could even set a timer to record it if you were not home. That was all good until someone in your family accidentally records something else over your show and all is lost. There was no such thing as binge watching until you waited another year for the DVD set to drop.

Finding Bottom

I am not sure when I began my descent to the land of Rock Bottom in a few areas of my life. I guess nobody really knows when such a thing occurs. All we really know is it happens to the best of us sometimes. Pinpointing a day where the spiral begins can be difficult to find. The best way to tell is if you are not growing. If you find yourself in one of life’s ruts and choose to stay there for a long period, you could be on your way to the bottom.

Have you ever struggled with something in your life? I know we all have to some degree. I also know some of us are currently struggling daily with an issue. One of the most popular is drugs and alcohol. Why is that? Because we believe those two habits will help us forget the other issues in our lives that should be dealt with. We feel like they are little vacations from our reality. The problem with that lie is those issues do not leave until addressed.

For me, drinking alcohol went from being a social tool to an agent of death. Yes, that sounds dramatic. When you are in the moment of enjoying yourself, you begin to make excuses to continue and build your so-called enjoyment. Meanwhile, the chemical you keep ingesting works on various parts of your body. At first it is only hangovers the next day. Eventually, those little hangovers turn into disastrous effects.

When we are intoxicated, we begin to make bad decisions. The first one is usually to intake more intoxicants. The next is to drive an automobile to another destination to have more fun or to finally go home. That is the dumbest idea ever. For me, the next one was horrible food at a really late hour. I used to drink several beers and then drive my not so sober self to various fast-food restaurants and order way too much disgusting items I would normally never consume.

To this day I am amazed at how I did not get in an accident or get more than just the one DUI in my life. Before receiving my DUI I drove drunk all the time. I was the designated drunk driver for all my friends. I could always ‘hold my liquor’ better than everybody else. That is another dumb statement and idea. Nobody is impervious to the effects of alcohol. It is alcohol. It is meant to change the state of our being. That is why we love it.

When we are younger, we are more resilient and can manage to drink or whatever as often as we want. But after doing the same thing for many years, eventually it takes a scary toll. Not only on our physical body but our mental and spiritual health as well. Once it becomes a habit it turns into a crutch and eventually a tool of destruction. The scary part is we can never see any of it happen until it is too late. That is what happened to me.

If you know me, you know I am a person who takes a topic and beats it to beyond the limit. Sometimes it is funny, others not so much. I did the same with my life of drinking. Sometimes we go through a bad period of life and we might think, is this Rock Bottom? They say bad things in life happens in threes. I have witnessed that several times. But I can also remember when I had four bad things, so I am not sure where ‘They’ get their information.

Just because we have a period of bad times does not mean we are finding the bottom of life. It is a part of life and we are meant to learn and grow from those times. Rock Bottom is a totally different animal. When you finally find it, you know. There is a moment when you realize it is time for a change or die. You decide you are tired of the dark and choose something better. Life as you know it becomes exhausting and unbearable.

This is where the story takes a sad and dark turn. So, if you don’t want to read it, look away. After many years of drinking my tolerance grew and so did my waistline. I loved drinking so much I got a job at a new local brewery. I figured, let’s turn one of my passions into a career. We all want to be able to that because it seems fulfilling. Some passions are but not all of them.

I started having a couple beers at the brewery after work or I would take some beer home. Then it turned into both. I figured since it is free beer, I should consume more of it. It was like I was saving money and since my wage was so low, it was a great financial decision. Plus, it is cool to be the guy who works at a brewery, right? More stupid ideas.

Those few beers turned into countless. I say that because I stopped keeping track. Not only did the quantity grow, so did my delusion of self. When you look at yourself in the mirror every day you don’t realize you are getting bigger and unhealthier. But if you take a picture of yourself then and take another one years later, there is a difference. I recently looked at my driver’s license and cried. It was taken at the beginning of 2020 and I still had not reached my maximum weight.

In 2020 before the pandemic, I was fired from the brewery, the source of my ‘passion’. I was horrified. I didn’t know how I was going to survive without a job. But even more, I was going to have to start paying for my fix. Afterwards, I signed up for unemployment and cashed in on my 401k. Then the virus began, and businesses were closing or not hiring. I constantly looked for work and had a couple interviews, but nothing landed.

Eventually, I gave up on the job search and since we weren’t allowed to go anywhere, I decided to become a hermit. I only stayed in touch with a few close friends. Since I was receiving the extra unemployment, the government gave us I didn’t feel like working and began ordering all my food and alcohol to be delivered to my door. The only time I would leave the house was to go for a drive to help my sanity.

Postmates and Amazon were my best friends. They helped me sooth all my woes. If I was hungry or thirsty, all I had to do was scroll around on my phone from my couch in my pajamas and find my desired dish and poof, it would appear. This became the new routine. I still have not entered a grocery store since I left the brewery. Now it is for different reasons, but it began because I was in one all day everyday with my job.

This new routine started to grow into my new lifestyle. I could have beer and wine delivered to my house, genius. Another horrible idea. I started with just a four pack every couple days. That turned to two four packs every other day. Then the brewery started a drive thru, so I found another reason to leave the house for five minutes so I could pick up more four packs or jugs of beer.

After some time passed, I declined physically at a rapid pace. I began to breath heavy just walking to the bathroom or outside to take out the trash. I stopped showering because I couldn’t stand long enough. I also felt justified because I was never around people.

One day I looked in the mirror and my stomach was gigantic. So much so it caused me to hunch over. I had to order larger clothes and then even larger clothes until I reached 5XL t-shirts and 52-inch waist shorts and underwear. I only wore black t-shirts (because they are slimming) and black gym shorts. When I finally couldn’t handle my own stench, I ordered cleaning wipes and I would wash my hair in the kitchen sink.

My sleeping patterns were almost nonexistent. I already had sleep apnea and snored like a bear. I would be sitting on the couch, in the middle of the day and drop my head, asleep. Eventually, I became scared to sleep in my bed because I thought I was going to stop breathing and die. So, I began sleeping on the couch, upright and usually with a beer in my hand. I woke up a number of times with spilled beer on my lap.

The only thing I would do during the day was watch television. At one point, I could have sworn I had seen everything on Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime. I binged watched almost everything. Since I didn’t have cable, I had to buy more streaming apps to watch more shows or movies that weren’t on the ones mentioned above.

When you are spiraling downward you grab on to anything that will help you feel like you aren’t falling. It is instinct. Nobody wants to hit the ground. The ground is hard and ungiving. If you fall far enough and hit the ground, you die. I know this is going to sound weird, but sometimes that is the best thing for you. Now, I want to make this clear. I do not mean physically make yourself fall to the ground. That is the worst possible idea.

You can’t find the bottom mentally and spiritually without falling. It is the fall that gets you there. The fall is an especially important key to finding the bottom of life. It is during the fall you figure out you are not living life. You are not growing. You are not progressing. You are going to die if nothing changes. Towards the end of the fall, you realize the change must happen fast. Brace for impact!

What is more important is what you do after realizing where you are. The how and how long does not really matter at this point. When you finally hit bottom, you will either break or you will bounce. If you choose to stay in your dark mess, you will thud like a rock. But if you finally want something better bad enough, you will bounce.

The bouncing is the best part. Why? Because ascension begins. You are no longer falling, you are rising. I am going to say it again, YOU ARE RISING! I did that in all caps to show that I was yelling it. I hope you feel that.

The day I bounced was September 1, 2020. Two nights before, I had drunk two full growlers of an India Pale Ale that is 7% ABV and ate a lot of Chinese food. The following day I felt like hell. I didn’t sleep at all in fear of dying. The next day I still felt awful, and this scared me. It was time.

I called my friend Todd and asked him to take me to the Emergency Room. During the drive over, I began to cry and I told him I don’t know what is wrong and I don’t want to die. I was scared to hear the results they would find. While in the waiting room I texted my family and closest friends to tell them where I was. I didn’t know what was going to happen.

After many tests and a CRT scan, they found nothing. It ended up being severe cramps in my stomach. I began taking a pill for it every day and felt better almost instantly. This is when I started on the Keto diet and quit drinking. I began to lose weight immediately. After a couple months I started getting cramps again. So, met with a weight management doctor.

Not only did I figure out I weighed well over 400lbs I learned the Keto diet was not the best plan for me. My body wasn’t getting enough carbohydrates, hence the cramping. So she put me on a 2000 calorie diet and showed me an app to help monitor it. This tool helped me focus on my goal and I continued to lose weight until I lost a total of 130lbs in less than six months.

Life took a drastic turn for the better. My mind was the clearest it has ever been. I began to enjoy life again. I found a new job. I became more social to the point I hate being alone and want to work on old and new friendships. I chose to live again. I chose to love myself again. I chose to grow again.

Finding bottom was the best thing that could happen to me. It saved my life, literally. If you are in the midst of a fall, I hope you find bottom. Because I know you will bounce back. The first sign you will bounce back is recognizing you are falling. If you know someone is falling, please be there for them when they are ready find bottom. They will need you.

 

Something Funny

The last time I put words to a page was a small timeline of my life and it was mostly on the serious side. This time I wanted to write something funny. Oh wait, I think I just did. I did it twice if you are counting. Go ahead, give the noggin a scratch, I’ll wait.

As I have grown older, I have learned to take some things in life less serious. Although, there can be some frustrating days for me due to having constant knee pain and walking with a crutch everywhere, I know this too shall pass. But the little day to day things that come across my desk are usually forgotten about as fast as they happen. So why bury oneself with more weight and stress than needed?

Since today is my birthday I thought I would treat myself to a nice breakfast I didn’t have to make. I ordered some deliciousness from Cracker Barrel. As I approached the restaurant for my Curbside Contactless Pick-Up, I noticed the parking lot was very empty. If you have eaten there you know it is always packed. When calling in to make them aware of my arrival, the woman told me their grill is not working and they could not make my order.

This news really frustrated me because I was ready for some good ‘ol biscuits and gravy. As I drove to my plan B food choice my frustration grew. I felt so entitled because it is my birthday, and I should be able to have what I want when I want it. The only thing I got was an elevated heart rate and stress in my chest. My next thought was, ‘you are an idiot’. Why put this on yourself? So, you didn’t get your first choice, you are still going to eat something prepared for you. All you must do is drive to the speaker, bark your order, and pull up to the window where your food is handed to you by an outstretched arm. You silly man.

Earlier this week I had an even more of a crazy incident. While working my new job selling dumpsters to businesses over the phone, I had somewhat of a meltdown. So much so, the girl I was selling to ended up praying for me. For some reason I began making little mistakes, one after the other. At some point I had to start over on her quotes while apologizing along the way.

Even though my customer was super patient and relaxed I was allowing every negative hit to take me further away. By the end of the call, it was one hour later (when my average calls are supposed to be seven and a half minutes). Then the next few words from her caught me completely off guard. She said, ‘I don’t know what your beliefs are, but do you mind if I prayed for you?’ I said, ‘yes please’ and as she began to say positive and uplifting words, I began to feel better.

Later that day I felt exhausted because I had spent so much energy beating myself up mentally and emotionally. Why do we do that? What does it gain? We should be our own biggest fan. Especially in a world that sometimes can only bring you down if you think about it too much. Instead of beating ourselves down we should build ourselves up. Because you are awesome.

So, I am going to start laughing when something negative comes my way. I am going to practice positive thinking. When a negative thought comes, I will just smile it away and remind myself of how good I am and what is great about me. I will take all those stupid hurtful thoughts and turn them into Something Funny.

Happy Birthday to Me

Next Sunday marks the 49^th year of my existence. Honestly, a part of me does not feel this old. I do not know which part that is because most of my body definitely does feel it. Especially my poor knee after it’s thirty-year-old injury. I think maybe it is my mind that still doesn’t believe it. Maybe it is just in denial. I don’t know.

The journey has been an interesting one. At this point I feel like I have lived a few different lives. There were my somewhat innocent childhood years. I say ‘somewhat’ because we all know there was probably more mischief than innocence. In that, there were some good memories. I still remember the Christmas morning when I got my first bike. That was a fun day.

After the end of my childhood became the era of being the super religious guy. Take or leave it, I am thankful for that period of my life. I learned how to be a good person and to treat others like you would want to be treated. A good foundation of humanity was built in my soul.

Then came love and marriage. I will not bore you with the details of those twelve years. Although I am thankful for the experience, it was something that should have ended earlier than it did. We were too young to do something that big. I now believe you should wait before you tie yourself to another person. How can you help someone else grow if you first have not grown yourself?

I am going to stop here to say, I don’t believe there are wasted periods in our lives, only times of learning and growing. Like the old cliché, ‘If you aren’t growing, you are dying’. Therefore, I feel like I have not only lived one life but a few, so far. I also believe the part of life you are living right now is only setting you up for the next one. How is that for a segue? I bet you thought that was spelled like the motorized two wheeled transportation device.

Towards the end of married life I began my next journey into the film and television world. I swear it was like a page turned in a book. My breakthrough was at the literal end of my marriage. The very same day my divorce was finalized, I received a call to work on Talladega Nights with Will Ferrell. Yes, I just dropped it.

From that point on to the next several years, I had more fun and met a lot of great people. Sometimes I miss it and wish I could go back. But life isn’t meant to be lived in the past. If it were, it wouldn’t keep going and surprising us at every turn. I know eventually we will all meet our end, but until then enjoy the ride of your own path.

Speaking of paths, mine took what I thought was only a detour into the world of Trader Joe’s. Due to the United States economy taking a dive, film work in Charlotte dwindled. So, I had to get a ‘real’ job in order to survive. But out of that necessity, I learned about wine and how to sell it very well. For a guy who used to think all red wine tasted the same, it was a fun time. Plus, I didn’t mind the homework.

While doing that for five years, I met more great people and built some strong relationships. Some of which was with customers. One of those customers was one of the owners of a new and upcoming local craft brewery in which I enjoyed. Without realizing it again, another transition was in the making. At that point, my interest in brewing and drinking craft beer was growing. No more Pabst Blue Ribbon for me.

So, I asked that customer if the brewery was hiring. Luckily, they were so I applied. A month later I was hired and had to change my current schedule from working early mornings five days a week at the store to only a few nights. If you have ever worked two jobs, you know one of them will not last long. Especially if your eyes are on the greener pasture. Eventually the transition was complete and I took another fork on my path.

Since I had to take a pay cut in order to pursue my new passion, I began to work at the brewery as much as I could in various roles. This period of life was really fun and yet another time of learning and growing. By the end of the six year run, not only had I consumed many gallons of my passion, it ended up consuming me. All of me. To the point, I forgot who I was. At that point all I cared about was making money selling beer and drinking beer. By the end, I had given up on life.

At face value, when I was released from my position at the end of January of 2020, it seemed like an injustice and a sad time. So much so, I began my spiral downward for the next seven months. During this time, Covid-19 had taken over our world and I was unemployed. Thankfully, our government increased unemployment wages and I had some savings. This gave me the perfect excuse to become a hermit.

At first, I never left the house. With the new virus looming, there was nowhere to go and nothing else to do outside our own homes. Such a crazy time. I began to have everything delivered to my doorstep, even alcohol. Instead of buying healthy groceries I would order delivery on the various food apps we now have. I never stepped foot into a grocery store. I still have not. I think a part of me grew tired of going to grocery stores all day, every day to count beer cans.

By the end of August of 2020, I had grown into a 460lb pile of flesh. I would lose my breath when I walked to the bathroom or to take the trash out. I had to wash my hair in the kitchen sink because I couldn’t stand long enough to take a shower. I would sleep on my couch sitting straight up because I couldn’t sleep in my bed. The fear of death was staring me in the face. It got dark. I was alone, growing further away from everybody in my life.

These transitions we experience in life aren’t always lovely and easy. Sometimes they suck. Sometimes they hurt. But they are always there and I am thankful for them. Transitions get us out of the rut we have built in our lives. Sometimes those ruts are very deep and take more effort to climb out of. Just know that you can get out if you really want to. The ultimate answer is, you must want something more than you have now.

Are you ready for the happy ending of this story? My life didn’t end there and it will not end for a long time, as long as I can help it. The day after eating too much Chinese food and drinking eight pints of high gravity IPA, I felt like hell. I had the most unbearable pain in my stomach. So much it filled the rest of my body with ache. It was like the flu and food poisoning combined. I didn’t feel like doing anything but lay on the couch. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew something was really wrong.

The following day, after another night of not sleeping well at all, I thought it was the end. I texted my great friend Todd and asked him to drive me to the emergency room. I cried the entire ride. I told him I was scared because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After six hours of tests and a CT scan, they found nothing wrong. Apparently, it was severe stomach cramps from being dehydrated.

This is when I flipped the switch in my brain. I wanted to live. I am not done with this life. I am not done with this planet. I have too many things to accomplish, too many things to learn and enjoy. I have too many people to help. This is the next transition to the newest part of my journey.

When next Sunday arrives, I will have lost almost 120lbs and be six months sober. I have never lost so much weight and been sober this long during the length of my existence. The best part is I currently feel the clearest in my mind and soul. The next goal is to have my thirty-year-old injured knee replaced with a new one. Also, I have started to write again, obviously. The next chapter has begun with each page revealing something fresh and new every single day.

I am looking forward to what happens next. I hope you are…

Creative Thought

Where does creative thought come from? Does it come from your brain? I guess before we take on that elephant we should look at thoughts themselves, whether they are creative ones or not. Think about it, have you ever sat in your comfy chair without any brain activity whatsoever? I’m sure you were thinking about something. Even now, I am forcing you to have a thought, sort of.

Our brains are always having thoughts, even when we are sleeping we have dreams. Sometimes I can’t shut my brain off when I lay down for a night of slumber. My mind and body desperately needs rest after an entire day of thinking thoughts all day. But for some reason thoughts continue to bombard my brain. Can you imagine? If you never did anything physical at all for a day and all you did was think thoughts. That would be somewhat tiring. But when you add the physical activities like exercise, work, driving, carrying your baby around all day, that just compounds our exhaustion.

So, if our normal daily thoughts come from our brain, where do the creative ones come from? The same place as our normal thoughts do? I can agree with that, for a moment. Anything creative begins with a seed of an idea that pops into your brain. But from there, it is your choice what happens to that thought. Do you toss it in the trash can in the corner of your mind? Or, do you feed and water it until it becomes something beautiful?

More often we do the former without even thinking about it, no pun intended. We just don’t realize what it is we are throwing aside and deleting from our memory banks. Granted, most thoughts are just random silly things you come across in your daily life. But some of them deserve more attention. Those thoughts are the ones we need to love and care for as if they were one of our children. After all you did just give birth to them.

How do we know which thoughts to save and nurture and which ones to toss out like yesterday’s trash? I think the ones that make you giggle. Just kidding, but I’m not really, sort of. Thoughts that make you laugh or cry or make you feel something are the thoughts you are connected to. A thought I just had was the weather sure is lovely today. Even though that is a nice thought I probably will not cherish it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll probably revisit that thought throughout the day but it will end when the day does. The thoughts I will store in my heart are ones that my heart feels is worthy of sharing time with. For me these thoughts turn into words for a story of some kind or a blog posting such as this one. Your thoughts could be used in any way you seem fit. The possibilities are endless.

Boundaries are only placed on your creative thoughts when you decide to place them. Nobody else controls that unless you allow them to. Sure someone may try to shoot your precious idea in the head. But you choose whether or not to protect it from harm. Don’t let your negative thoughts or criticism from others beat up your creativity. Instead use it to your benefit and learn how to make it grow into something useful to share with others.

Run, Run, Runaway…PLEASE!!

WARNING: if you are an avid runner, you may not want to read this because I will offend you. I don’t want you to get dirt on the toes of your fancy new running shoes that you just posted on Facebook. If you are not a runner, like myself, then feel free to continue on, you might get a chuckle.

Exercise is a wonderful thing and is a necessary ingredient to maintain good health. But when you do it constantly and make sure to tell me about it every time, you make me want to delete your post. I understand you are proud of yourself that you got up and moved your ass until your clothes became drenched with sweat. If you are into wet clothes, that’s great too, jump in a pool. But I really can go a day without being notified. Keep it to yourself, that extra personal boost of confidence will help you more in the long run, no pun intended.

When I exercise, I prefer more fun ways than feeling like you are being chased. After increasing my heart rate for an extended period of time, the last beverage I want to consume is a beer, let alone a heavy, unfiltered craft beer. Don’t get me wrong, craft beer is my favorite alcoholic beverage one can partake of. But after a nice bike ride, I’m all sweaty and breathing heavy due my recent exertion. The furthest idea from my brain is, ‘Hey, let’s join a hundred other people who are sweaty too at a place of business where people are not exercising, but rather just relaxing with friend over a beer.’ My mind and body cry out for WATER and then eventually a somewhat cool shower.

My voice is probably just a faint little noise in this universe and nothing will change the drive of runners and the clubs who take over a brewery on a given evening during the week. For the record, I am not against running and I consider myself a people person. Sharing time with my close friends and making new friends are a great part my life. Sometimes I like to consume a couple beers while spending such time. If you want to share your time with your friends while running, then I applaud you. But you will never find me riding on your back with a frosty beer in my hand.

Another thing I struggle to understand is the need to run so far and so often. The daily routine and workout is important to you, I get it. But you are already as skinny as a rail. You have spent your whole life running. I agree, you want to maintain your skeleton-like figure but it is really alright if you miss a day and eat a cheeseburger every once in a while. What are you trying to attain by running your guts out? Does it help you think you are not fat? Are you simply addicted to the high? 

I heard you got some brand new running shoes that are so bright they glow in the dark. Yes, you are just trying to be safe out on the streets. But you never run at night and they are so damn ugly. Is the ugliness factor a built in safety device? When oncoming cars see you in your bright ugly shoes, do they stay away because of your bad taste? Also, could you buy shorts that don’t show your private parts flopping around? I realize they help in your leg running freedom. But nobody needs to see that.

To sum all this up, good for you who like to run. But is there a way you could do it quietly? Stop with the incessant chatter about it. I’m not constantly telling you about the times when I’m at home sitting on my ass. Nor do I constantly tell you when I’m about to sit down to a nice meal that does not consist of a dressing-less salad and a protein shake. No, I usually keep that to myself and go about my day. So, have fun on your run, I’m headed to eat some Mexican food. Doesn’t that sound good?

Today

Today I decided to eat lunch at a certain well known buffet restaurant. Normally I don’t condone buffets because they are usually the worst quality of food next to cheap fast food. Since I had a hankering I figured this once wouldn’t hurt. Looking back I realized I wouldn’t be sharing this with you if I had not pursued to quench the craving my hungry stomach called out for. Looking forward I am amazed sometimes what runs through my mind while I’m just sitting in a restaurant booth consuming some low quality food material.

As I’m partaking of today’s lunch an elderly couple walked in and sat in the booth across from mine. Normally this wouldn’t have caught my eye and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. The elderly man in this couple was a little different. This man was really tall and walked very slowly with his head tilted extremely down to his right side. He never lifted his head due to his neck being in a frozen like state.

I began to feel bad for this older gentleman as he struggled to do anything. While his wife went to the buffet to fill her plate he stayed standing at the table. I couldn’t help myself to continue to look over there as he dug into the backpack his wife carried in for him. What was he looking for? I had no idea. Eventually, after a few minutes, a roll of paper towels emerged and he laid out a couple pieces on the table in front of him. Of course my brain didn’t understand why he needed paper towels from home when there are plenty of napkins provided.

When his wife returned with her plate of food he mumbled something to her and she responded with, ‘It’s in the other pocket. Did you look in there?’ He then unzipped the other pocket to look for this mysterious item. I still don’t know what it was because I was trying to mind my own business and went to get my own plate of food. Upon returning to my table he was preparing to go to the buffet himself.

Now, you may want to know what the mysterious item he looked for was. Part of me did too, but that is not what the lesson or topic of discussion for today. After feeling bad for him for a little while I looked at his wife while she sat at the table alone. She did not look happy at all. She seemed very tired and worn out from her long life. How long has she had to take care of the man she loves? Whether it has been a few years or most of their married life, she has done it and probably has not complained at all. This is her life, she has learned to accept it and continue on. 

Continuing on? Why do we do it? What is it about today that makes us want to jump out of bed and take on what the day has in store? Sometimes the day holds blessings and wonderment. Other days, they hold a fist to punch you in the face and sometimes repeatedly until you just give up. Lately I have felt more of the latter and very few of the former. Some days I feel like I’m constantly ducking from the flying fists. Yet, society tells me I need to keep smiling.

Well sir, that’s just a negative attitude you have there. You should think more positive and those bad things in your life will change. Do you really believe that? If you just think positively, good things will happen to you and your days will be filled with sunshine and prizes. To me that is just not reality. Reality is filled with rainy days and losers. That’s what we are forced to live with sometimes. For every winner there are many losers who tried, like the winner, but wasn’t at the right place at the right time with the right attitude.

Now, back to our elderly couple you read about a couple paragraphs ago. I can understand the wife’s position because she has chosen to live this life with her husband due to love. Only love can take away anything negative in that scenario. If she really didn’t love him, technically she could just up and leave at any moment. But love keeps her in the seat across him and his crooked neck. For better or worse, right?

If I were the elderly man with a neck like that and slow motor skills, my patience level would be as minimal as the measurements allow. However, his patience level must be off the charts. He has learned to take his time with every movement, partly because he was forced to. But the other part, I believe, comes from his natural make up. People are given what the can handle and live with. If the elderly man had my patience level it wouldn’t work and vice versa.

We are made for different reasons in life. Some are meant to be movie stars and models, police men and grocery clerks. The adventure of life is to grow in character while figuring out not what this life has for you but what you have for this life. What is it that makes you, you? I know what makes me, me is totally different than what makes you, you. There are no two people on this planet who are exactly alike. Let that thought soak you for a moment. 

You were put here for a reason and so am I. We were put here together to coexist and learn from one another in order to build our character. When you are losing on a rainy day there is more to be gained than what is staring at you in the face. You have the chance to learn and grow or to ignore and die. Every new day gives you the opportunity of choice. What will you choose?