WARNING: if you are an avid runner, you may not want to read
this because I will offend you. I don’t want you to get dirt on the toes of
your fancy new running shoes that you just posted on Facebook. If you are not a
runner, like myself, then feel free to continue on, you might get a chuckle.
Exercise is a wonderful thing and is a necessary ingredient to maintain
good health. But when you do it constantly and make sure to tell me about it
every time, you make me want to delete your post. I understand you are proud of
yourself that you got up and moved your ass until your clothes became drenched
with sweat. If you are into wet clothes, that’s great too, jump in a pool. But
I really can go a day without being notified. Keep it to yourself, that extra personal
boost of confidence will help you more in the long run, no pun intended.
When I exercise, I prefer more fun ways than feeling like you
are being chased. After increasing my heart rate for an extended period of
time, the last beverage I want to consume is a beer, let alone a heavy,
unfiltered craft beer. Don’t get me wrong, craft beer is my favorite alcoholic
beverage one can partake of. But after a nice bike ride, I’m all sweaty and
breathing heavy due my recent exertion. The furthest idea from my brain is, ‘Hey,
let’s join a hundred other people who are sweaty too at a place of business
where people are not exercising, but rather just relaxing with friend over a
beer.’ My mind and body cry out for WATER and then eventually a somewhat cool
shower.
My voice is probably just a faint little noise in this universe
and nothing will change the drive of runners and the clubs who take over a
brewery on a given evening during the week. For the record, I am not against
running and I consider myself a people person. Sharing time with my close
friends and making new friends are a great part my life. Sometimes I like to
consume a couple beers while spending such time. If you want to share your time
with your friends while running, then I applaud you. But you will never find me
riding on your back with a frosty beer in my hand.
Another thing I struggle to understand is the need to run so far
and so often. The daily routine and workout is important to you, I get it. But
you are already as skinny as a rail. You have spent your whole life running. I
agree, you want to maintain your skeleton-like figure but it is really alright
if you miss a day and eat a cheeseburger every once in a while. What are you
trying to attain by running your guts out? Does it help you think you are not
fat? Are you simply addicted to the high?
I heard you got some brand new running shoes that are so bright
they glow in the dark. Yes, you are just trying to be safe out on the streets.
But you never run at night and they are so damn ugly. Is the ugliness factor a
built in safety device? When oncoming cars see you in your bright ugly shoes,
do they stay away because of your bad taste? Also, could you buy shorts that
don’t show your private parts flopping around? I realize they help in your leg
running freedom. But nobody needs to see that.
To sum all this up, good for you who like to run. But is there a
way you could do it quietly? Stop with the incessant chatter about it. I’m not
constantly telling you about the times when I’m at home sitting on my ass. Nor
do I constantly tell you when I’m about to sit down to a nice meal that does
not consist of a dressing-less salad and a protein shake. No, I usually keep
that to myself and go about my day. So, have fun on your run, I’m headed to eat
some Mexican food. Doesn’t that sound good?
No comments:
Post a Comment